Graduate School.

Just thinking about the words stresses me out. Maybe typing it down will help calm my nerves.

I've been secretly/subconsciously ignoring this subject for the past 5 months - just trying to enjoy my summer and my first moments of marriage. But I don't think I can ignore it any more.

Sadly.

The thing is - it's not the going back to school that stresses me out. I actually rather enjoy school, and I really enjoy learning about math. I've actually missed my long study sessions trying to figure out a proof, or sitting in class and watching some crazy equation unfold. I really do love math.

So why am I so stressed?

I think it's the waiting. The calm before the storm.

I also know that a huge part of it is the prep work involved in going into Graduate School. What tests do I need to take? Will I do good on these tests? What if I don't get accepted anywhere? What if I've already forgotten everything that I've learned?

I'm the type of person that I'm more stressed out and anxious before a decision or big event. Things can still change, they can still go wrong. But once you get to that point of no return, once you are already in it or once the decision is made and there isn't anything I can change about it - I don't worry anymore. Stress goes away. There's no going back. I've decided (whether for good or for bad) and it's happening.

I really just want to be at that point with Graduate school. Tests done, acceptance letter received, classes signed up, etc. Once I'm there I know I'll handle it - cause I'll have to handle it, no matter how hard it is.

Breath. I just need to breath.

And jump in.

Wish me luck.